Many clients ask professionals, “Why have I been plagued with hyper-sexuality?” In other words, they were curious to understand why they’d become addicted to hyper-sexual behavior. This question is often asked by drug and alcohol addicts who also wonder why they were plagued with the addiction gene when their siblings didn’t appear to have similar issues.
Although the field of sexual addiction is relatively new, we have research that shows two pathways to sexual addiction. Often times children who have been traumatized as young kids will, in adolescence or adulthood, reenact the trauma; in the form of compulsive sexuality. One of the exercises that I give my clients is to look back on their childhoods and identify the small or the big events that traumatized them. That might look like a divorce or a parent’s abandonment. That might result from a child walking in on his parents having sex. That may include a neighbor or family friend molesting him or her. These little “t” or big “T” traumas lay the groundwork for the human psyche to unconsciously replay the scenario over and over again as an adult. It is if the brain becomes psychologically become stuck or locked in the brain as something familiar that creates compulsivity. The trauma results in the development of an arousal template that continues to light up as it is acted adult in adulthood. The good news is that psychologists believe that these behaviors that repetitiously manifest over and over again are opportunities to get the needed help as an adult that the child was unable to get as a child.
John was frequently punished as a child by his father. His father would beat him severely for even the slightest infractions. Despite the abuse and painful exchange of punishment, John became intrigued as an adult when he viewed sadistic and masochistic forms of internet pornography and began to play out these fantasies in his sex life unconsciously. Punishment and sexual excitement became fused together and became the only stimuli that effectively delivered arousal during times of sex. John shared his desires with his wife, who was disgusted by the thought of using physical spankings in the bedroom therefore, John became even more compulsive with his viewings on the internet. This behavior escalated further, and eventually, he was secretly going outside of the marriage to get his sexual needs met, which added an extra element of secrecy and excitement to his sexual arousal template. In this scenario, it is easy to see how John was reenacting the trauma of early childhood beatings into his sexual life. John said that the first time he ever viewed S & M pornography, he felt a familiarity that repeatedly drew him back to the porn. John likely experienced suppressed rage about his childhood abuse which he combined with erotica to produce the desire to reenact the trauma. Unfortunately, a contributor to sexual addiction is eroticized rage.
A secondary contributor to arousal template development occurs when children’s young minds get “brain locked” after seeing something curious, titillating, or disturbing. Young children who stumble on their parent’s soft porn magazines, videos, or internet sites may develop the compulsion to go back over the material frequently. Their brain development becomes altered when the reward center learns to light up after viewing this material. This material creates the arousal template that maps out sexual excitement in adulthood. With sexual addiction, this behavior becomes compulsive. Like an addiction, the sex addict spends more and more time, money, and energy finding new forms of this sexual material or experience.
Suppose either of these scenarios sounds like you. In that case, it is important to seek help from a certified sexual addictions therapist (CSAT) who can assist you in calming down the brain and managing the template while you undergo the process of retraining the brain towards healthy sexuality and breaking the chains of compulsivity and hyper-sexuality.
Neither trauma nor “brain lock” needs to lock you into compulsive behaviors that keep you from engaging in a normal or healthy life!
Carol Juergensen Sheets, LCSW, PCC, CSAT, is currently in private practice in Indianapolis, IN. She speaks nationally on mental health issues and is featured in several local magazines. She currently has an internet radio show on www.blogtalkradio.com/sexhelpwithcarolthecoach and does regular television segments focusing on life skills to improve one’s potential. You can read her blogs at www.carolthecoach.com. To contact Carol about sexual addiction: www.sexhelpwithcarolthecoach.