“The essence of psychological trauma is the loss of faith that there is order and continuity in life. Trauma occurs when one loses the sense of having a safe place to retreat within or outside of oneself to deal with frightening emotions or experiences.”
– Bessel A. van der Kolk, MD
Relational trauma can be a confusing issue to deal with, partly because it is cumulative, it is not one incident but many small attitudes, incidents, and dynamics that span time. It’s easy to lose track of when something happened, how often it happened, or what exactly it was that was painful, particularly if the trauma was some form of neglect, emotional abuse, or disinterest. Filling in a timeline helps to make these issues and dynamics visible. It can also reveal which were significant incidents, which were ongoing dynamics, and what periods felt relatively safe and happy.
Next to or within each five-year span write a few words that refer to something, some relationship dynamic, or some ongoing situation that you experienced as traumatic. Note: neglect can be traumatic as well as abuse, divorce in the family, addiction, siblings or parents leaving, accidents, hospitalizations, family illness, etc. . . . the idea here is to understand how you experienced it, not whether or not it fits some criteria as to what is formally called trauma. Write in whatever comes to mind in this category, we’re discussing in the appropriate lines.
0 yrs _________________________________________________________________
5 yrs___________________________________________________________________
10 yrs ___________________________________________________________________
15 yrs ___________________________________________________________________
20 yrs ___________________________________________________________________
25 yrs ___________________________________________________________________
30 yrs ___________________________________________________________________
35 yrs ___________________________________________________________________
40 yrs ___________________________________________________________________
45 yrs ___________________________________________________________________
50 yrs ___________________________________________________________________
55 yrs ___________________________________________________________________
60 yrs ___________________________________________________________________
65 yrs ___________________________________________________________________
70 yrs ___________________________________________________________________
75 yrs ___________________________________________________________________
80 yrs ___________________________________________________________________
85 yrs ___________________________________________________________________
90 yrs ___________________________________________________________________
95 yrs ___________________________________________________________________
100 yrs ___________________________________________________________________
Answer the Following Questions:
What jumps out at you as significant when you look at your timeline?
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What was a particularly difficult period in your life?
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What were the silver linings, what were the gifts of trauma?
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Were there periods that were relatively easy and good?
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What painful relational dynamics from the past are you still living out today?
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Inner Child Work: Having an Inner Dialogue
Instructions: “Mentally reverse roles” with yourself anywhere along the Trauma Time Line continuum and write a journal entry speaking “as” that part of self, e.g., “I am Shahara, I am eight years old and I am” or “I am Hank, I am around thirteen and I just . . .” After you have completed your journal entry “answer back” from your “adult role” of today. In other words, begin a journaling dialogue between the two parts, your childhood self, and your adult self, and allow your adult to help your child or adolescent self learn to talk about your experience rather than hide it from your adult self and allow your adult self to listen to, support, and guide your child self.
CHILD/ADOLESCENT ROLE: I am ______________. I am ___ years old and I .
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ADULT ROLE: (Answering back to your child self from your adult self)
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CHILD/ADOLESCENT ROLE: I am ______________. I am ___ years old and I .
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ADULT ROLE:
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CHILD/ADOLESCENT ROLE: I am ______________. I am ___ years old and I .
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ADULT ROLE:
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End this exercise by writing a few sentences to yourself as a child from where you are today, what you know now that you didn’t know then.
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