By Cassandra Rustvold, LMSW, MEd, Former Trauma Therapist at Gentle Path at the Meadows

Childhood sexual abuse (CSA) has the potential to transform the trajectory of your life in a multitude of ways. While the effects of childhood sexual abuse are largely individualized and can manifest at different points throughout your lifespan, commonly reported symptoms and long-term effects include dissociation, depression, anxiety, eating disorders, self-harm, relationship difficulties, and addictive or compulsive patterns of behavior (Aaron, 2012).

The sexual functioning and sexual identity in adolescence and adulthood is a particularly vulnerable factor in childhood sexual abuse survivors. When a child suffers sexual abuse, sexual arousal becomes activated prematurely and can largely impact the survivor’s sense of autonomy over their body and sexual sense of self (Roller, Martsolf, Draucker, Ross, 2009).

It can also draw early connections in the neural networks of the child’s brain that associate sex with power, fear, shame, confusion, secrecy and/or pain. It is not difficult to imagine why those whose sexuality has been impacted are more vulnerable to struggles with intimate relationships and sexuality.

When attempting to reconcile your abuse, a particularly confusing component for survivors of CSA is the experience of pleasurable physiological responses to your abuse, in conjunction with your emotional and psychological distress. Children who have experienced these positive and pleasurable feelings often report feelings of shame and responsibility tied to their abuse and sexuality. They may also experience an overall distrust of their bodily reactions (such as arousal) or physical dissociation (Hunter, 1990, & Long, Burnett, Thomas, 2006).

This fusion of shame, secrecy, and pleasure has the potential to predispose you to sexual aversion, sexual anorexia, dysfunction, or compulsion, thereby deterring you from developing healthy sexual scripts in adulthood.

Five Types of Sexual Abuse

While it’s fair to assume that sexual abuse requires engaging in physical sex acts, that is only one type of sexual abuse. There are actually other forms of sexual abuse, many of which don’t require physical contact at all, let alone being in the same room.

1. Verbal

Though it doesn’t involve physical acts, verbal sexual abuse is still real abuse. This type of sexual abuse consists of oral or written words expressed towards a victim that are sexual in nature. Often occurring in social settings, verbal sexual abuse examples include sexual jokes, suggestive comments, name-calling, unwanted advances, solicitation, and sexting.

2. Covert

When covert sexual abuse occurs, the abuser derives sexual pleasure from his or her victims unbeknownst to them. This often takes place in the home, where another family member abuses a child through grooming or covert tactics like emotional manipulation, exposure, and body-shaming. But covert sexual abuse can also involve secretly stalking or photographing victims as well. 

3. Visual

Exposing someone to sexual imagery without his or her consent is considered visual sexual abuse, which may typically occur online or at home. Examples of visual sexual abuse include making someone watch pornography, sending or airdropping unwanted graphic images or videos, flashing or exhibitionism, and even engaging in sexual acts in front of others. 

4. Physical

Physical sexual abuse happens when the abuser nonconsensually engages in physical sexual acts with someone else, often forcibly. This type of sexual abuse can range from inappropriate touching, fondling, tickling, and kissing to refusing to use condoms, rape, coerced oral sex, or unwanted rough or violent sexual acts. 

5. Ritualistic

Mainly occurring within cults, perpetrators will engage in the sexual abuse of others (sometimes using manipulation, mind control, or drugs) in hopes of achieving a spiritual experience. Called ritualistic sexual abuse, this form of abuse is often justified by the cult’s ideology and may involve nonconsensual sexual intercourse, genital mutilation, or child marriage. 

The Link Between Child Sexual Abuse and Sex Addiction

Three commonly experienced symptoms of childhood sexual abuse are also cornerstones of sexual addiction: compulsivity (the inability to control your behavior), shame, and despair.

In sex addiction, shame and despair act as a precursor to the beginning of future cycles, where the need to keep emotional pain at bay leads to mental preoccupation as an escape. The result of this addictive cycle often includes isolation, anxiety, alienation from loved ones, a breaking of your value system, and secrecy, all of which can have a very damaging psychological impact. This then exacerbates and increases feelings of despair and a yearning to escape and repeat the cycle.

When you are struggling with intrusive thoughts of your sexual abuse or insidious negative self-talk as a result of your abuse, the lure of escape through addictive patterns of behavior is not only compelling but sometimes a means of psychological preservation.

In Dr. Patrick Carnes’ The Betrayal Bond, eight trauma responses common among individuals who meet the criteria for sexual addiction are identified: trauma reactions, trauma pleasure, trauma blocking, trauma splitting, trauma abstinence, trauma shame, trauma repetition, and trauma bonding.

These patterns of behaviors are often unconscious attempts to reconcile, reframe, or repair the abuse that happened in youth. Unfortunately, they do not always accomplish this and can result in perpetuated psychological and emotional damage.

The Role of Gender in Sexual Trauma

Gender differences also appear to play a role in how these difficulties manifest in adulthood and whether or not someone will seek out help.

Even today, boys and men are still often provided with narrow cultural and familial messages about what it means to be masculine. This narrative includes such things as devaluing emotional expression and vulnerability, while prioritizing promiscuity and maintaining control.

Research has found that male survivors are less likely to report or discuss their trauma and more likely to externalize their responses to childhood sexual abuse by engaging in compulsive sexual behaviors (Aaron, 2012). For a male survivor of childhood sexual abuse, these expectations are in large conflict with the need to shatter the secrecy of their trauma and/or obtain and maintain healthy sexual relationships, both of which require an open and honest dialogue.

Overcoming Sexual Shame

One of the main effects on adult sexuality after childhood abuse is sexual shame. Shame’s effects on sexuality can cause you to feel bad about your sexual desires or feelings, as well as engaging in sexual acts. Whether you know it or not, you may automatically associate sex with shame, even in healthy sexual interactions. As a result, you may face intimacy challenges, experience sexual dysfunction, or avoid sex and intimate relationships altogether. Some, especially men, may have difficulties with their sexual identity and orientation, according to a review by Health and Social Care in the Community. 

If you are coping with childhood sexual abuse, sexual shame can feel overwhelming and entrenched in your life. But thankfully, there are steps you can take to overcome it. Writing in a journal about personal thoughts and feelings towards sex can be a good place for you to start, as well as giving yourself compassion as you begin. Talking about feelings and shame towards sex with your partner or a trusted friend can also be highly beneficial, as it gives you an opportunity to show your appreciation and support. Seeking out the help of a licensed therapist can also help you make positive progress in overcoming sexual shame. 

Healing From Childhood Sexual Abuse and Redefining Your Sexuality

For men struggling with childhood sexual abuse and sexual addiction, learning to abstain from problematic sexual behaviors that reinforce abusive sexual scripts is just as important as learning how to develop healthy intimate bonds and create a sexual identity that is affirming.

If you are attempting to face these complex issues, the importance of having acceptance and unconditional, nonjudgmental support cannot be understated. It is the abusive and negative interpersonal interactions that created the pain, and it is the supportive and affirming ones that have the power to lift it.

Treatment for Sexual Trauma

At Gentle Path at The Meadows, we specialize in creating this space while offering a host of trauma-based services that are informed by the most current understanding of the nature of trauma and its impact on you as a whole. Additionally, the therapeutic focus at Gentle Path includes not only learning to identify which components of your sexuality are subtracting from the quality of your life, but which ones are enriching it.

References

Aaron, M. (2012). The pathways of problematic sexual behavior: a literature review of factors affecting adult sexual behavior in survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity: The Journal of Treatment & Prevention, 19(3), p. 199-218.

Carnes, P. (1997). The Betrayal Bond. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data.

Hunter, M. (1990). Abused boys: The neglected victims of sexual abuse. Lexington Books/D C Health.

Long, L. L., Burnett, J. A., & Thomas, R. V. (2006). Sexuality Counseling for Couples: An Integrative Approach. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson/Merrill Prentice Hall.

Roller C., Martsolf D.S., Draucker C.B., Ross R. (2009). The Sexuality of Childhood Sexual Abuse Survivors. International Journal of Sexual Health .21(1), p. 46-60.