They say that sexual addiction is baffling and might be the toughest addiction to recover from because of all the social triggers that may make a person succumb to urges and cravings. I know that sexual addiction recovery starts with total honesty, and it’s that rigorous honesty that keeps a person living one day at a time and being filled with gratitude. These two elements are essential in breaking the denial and maintaining the foundation for a good recovery.

What is equally interesting is that these two life skills are also in the formula for happiness. Marci Shimoff, in her book Happy For No Reason, found that three traits in happy people were a part of daily functioning.

• Staying in the moment
• Gratitude
• Reframing

These three qualities were essential in a person’s ability to be happy and improve life. I find these same traits are critical in an addict’s recovery.

Staying in the Moment

The slogan “One day at a time” keeps sex addicts focused on living in the moment, not ruminating in the past, and not fearing the future. When sex addict focuses on today, they are less likely to become overwhelmed with their sadness about their past or their anxieties about what lies before them. The process of living in the future assists an addict with looking at the present moment, which is much more manageable and attainable. It keeps the fear factor down and assists them in realizing that they can only control what happens in the present day.

Practicing Gratitude

Having gratitude is a life skill that keeps addicts focused on what is working in their life. Think about it. Are you more likely to feel better about what is working in your life, or what might be your current struggle? Did you know that what you appreciate…appreciate? In other words, when you focus on what is working in your life, you are less likely to get bogged down with what seems to be insurmountable barriers that will keep you having a negative attitude. Recovering addicts manifest an attitude of gratitude because they know that when they are working on recovery, their life is authentic and transparent.

Living in honesty and gratitude brings about the freedom that builds self-esteem and confidence. Most addicts remember what it was like to hate their impulses, behaviors, and addiction, so recovery means liberation, which increases gratitude. No matter where you are in your recovery right now, you should ask yourself if you’re able to list 50 things that you are grateful for. My speculation would be that you are more likely to list gratitude moments as your recovery grows stronger because you appreciate life more. After all, you can appreciate your own personality strengths and accomplishments.

Reframe Your Journey

Reframing is a life skill that allows you to look at your life and ask yourself how you became stronger and what you have to learn from it. It takes you out of the victim role and allows you to feel empowered by the lessons that you have learned. This is imperative for the addict who feels shame about their sexual behaviors and falls into the “I hate myself” and “I can find nothing redeeming from this horrid, despicable behavior.”

Well, the truth of the matter is that your addiction has taught you how to change your life and live it more authentically! Recovery is a lifelong process of living, and when you use your reframing skill, you can recognize what life has taught you and how far you have come in becoming a genuine person.

You’re only as sick as your secrets, and you’re choosing to no longer live in addiction’s chronic lies, deceit, and secrecy. It frees you up to be the person you were meant to be, and when this occurs…you’re much more likely to live up to your potential.

Stand up for yourself, live these three life skills, and thank your addiction for teaching you about true recovery. You will live an awesome life in recovery because the real you will show up!

Carol Juergensen Sheets, LCSW, PCC, CSAT, is currently in private practice in Indianapolis, IN. She speaks nationally on mental health issues and is featured in several local magazines. She currently has an internet radio show on www.blogtalkradio.com/sexhelpwithcarolthecoach and does regular television segments focusing on life skills to improve one’s potential. You can read her blogs at www.carolthecoach.com. To contact Carol about sexual addiction: www.sexhelpwithcarolthecoach.