By Anna McKenzie
We all have traditions that we take part in year after year. We may be more aware of them at the holidays — they’re often what we look forward to as we celebrate the season — but we actually observe rituals year-round. They can be common, like decorating a Christmas tree, or unique to your family, like making a recipe that’s been passed down.
Recent holiday cheer (or chaos) may have brought up memories from your past, some that you treasure and some you wish you could forget.
Of course, not all of our traditions are intentional or even enjoyable — you may have family members who argue about the same thing every year or meals that famously flop. Recent holiday cheer (or chaos) may have brought up memories from your past, some that you treasure and some you wish you could forget.
Traditions do more than just differentiate us; they anchor us to our story, our heritage, and our people — both those who share your genes and those you choose to have in your life. They can also be used to help pave over bad memories with new, enriching experiences.
Making Peace with Our Memories
Holiday commercials are notorious for setting unachievable standards for families to live up to. You often see loved ones in matching pajamas gleefully opening a mound of presents on Christmas morning — or someone discovering a brand-new car in their driveway in the glistening snow. At other times of year, emotional ad spots feature thoughtful parents marking milestones with their kids and multi-generational picnics and parties with the participants savoring all that togetherness.
Whether you grew up in an environment filled with hugging and smiling or cursing and shouting, you’re bound to have memories that don’t match the polished portrait presented on TV. You’re likely to have a unique mix of cherished moments and times you would rather not remember. If your family traditions are tangled up with some darkness from the past, you may have a difficult time enjoying the holidays, leaving you with an emotional hangover in the new year.
The good news is, traditions can be made new — and they can bring in the rich moments you appreciated while including some fresh fun. You don’t have to abandon traditions altogether to save your sanity. You can simply reengineer your traditions for fulfilling results.
How Traditions Anchor Us to Ourselves and Others
Why do traditions matter? They actually help anchor us to ourselves and others in positive ways.
Marshall P. Duke, PhD, a psychology professor at Emory University, and his colleague Robyn Fivush conducted a survey asking children 20 questions they could not know the answers to first-hand. They would have had to learn the information from parents, grandparents, or other family members. They reported, “in our research, higher scores … were associated with higher levels of self-esteem, an internal locus of control (a belief in one’s own capacity to control what happens to him or her), better family functioning, lower levels of anxiety, fewer behavioral problems, and better chances for good outcomes if a child faces educational or emotional/behavioral difficulties.”
…the more the children knew their family stories and history, the more well-adjusted and stable they seemed to be.
In other words, the more the children knew their family stories and history, the more well-adjusted and stable they seemed to be. In being connected to a bigger story than their own, they possessed a stronger sense of identity.
This is one of the things that traditions can offer us. We have a chance to tell our own stories through these activities, creating a bond among our loved ones, as well as cementing our connection to greater stories, like heritage, faith, and culture.
How to Create New Traditions
If you’re looking for a way to develop some new traditions, don’t be afraid to get creative. You can choose to develop fun rituals with your family, your friends, and even your coworkers. And traditions don’t need to be elaborate to have a positive impact. They can be simple, which makes them easy to start. Here are some ideas:
- On the eve of a holiday, attend a religious service with family or friends. Even if you go alone, you’ll feel connected to others who are worshipping alongside you.
- Hold a contest based around a holiday and use decorations, dishes, or festive gear to encourage your friends or coworkers to compete with one another for some seasonal fun.
- Find ways to make a holiday or time of year your own. Cook Irish food together each St. Patrick’s Day, pack a special lunch for your kids on Valentine’s Day with a personal note, plan a group hike to mark the first day of summer, or collect fall leaves for an annual craft project.
- Choose a recipe to become your specialty and share that dish annually (or more often) with loved ones. It’s not about cooking ability, it’s about letting repetition establish a tradition.
- Explore parts of your culture, heritage, or faith history throughout the year to help children feel part of your family’s bigger story.
- Find a game to play with friends regularly and make it “your thing,” which helps you all connect in spite of busy schedules.
We have a chance to tell our own stories through these activities, creating a bond among our loved ones, as well as cementing our connection to greater stories, like heritage, faith, and culture.
Traditions are everywhere, so look around online or ask your friends about the activities that mean the most to them. You may want to borrow some ideas or use them as inspiration to create your own special rituals.
What to Do If Your Sense of Disconnection Becomes Debilitating
If you feel disconnected, depressed, or anxious in a way that feels overwhelming or debilitating, it’s time to reach out to a trusted family member, friend, or counselor. You may need to visit with your primary care physician to find out if you need assistive medications or therapy to recover your sense of well-being. If you begin feeling paranoid, feel compelled or tempted to use substances, or have begun to isolate yourself from loved ones, you may need treatment to get back to feeling like yourself again.
Help for Addiction and Mental Health Conditions at The Meadows
If you or a loved one is experiencing addiction or mental health issues like depression or anxiety, please get in touch with our team today. The Meadows provides treatment for unresolved trauma, emotional issues, a wide range of mental health conditions, and drug or alcohol addiction through research-backed modalities and therapeutic interventions. Through our evidence-based inpatient and outpatient treatment programs, we can help you find the path to healing and long-term recovery.